My Japanese T.V. Translations

4/26

I was too late today to get the train I originally wanted to Kitakami so I had an extra 50 minutes, which I thought was the perfect amount of time to go sightseeing in Morioka, which didn't have much to see.  I rushed through the main street shopping area, which was really very cute and over to see the corner of the castle park area, which I had no interest in seeing anyway as the "castle" is only it's foundation walls since it was destroyed in the 19th century, and made it to the one thing I did want to see, the 300 year old Rock-Splitting Cherry Tree.

The people who live in Western Honshu (this region in Japan) have had a rough time of it.  Land doesn't freely give itself as much as in other places so for centuries, Western Honshuites (?) have had to fight nature for everything they've got.  Their stories, food and culture all reflect this.  The culture respects perseverance and especially, the triumph that comes from it.  So they adore this tree, even if it is nature triumphing over itself, at least it's the pretty part.  The signs around it say that the tree "split" the rock to grow out of it, and then say that's impossible.  I don't know why it's impossible though; the idea that a bird could have dropped a cherry blossom seed in a crack in the rock and it could have taken root and pushed the two sides of the rock apart, seems plausible to me.  If it could happen at Ta Prohm, why not here?

Anyway, I liked it very much.  I also like the fact that it was in front of the district courthouse.  It occurred to me that this struggle to survive might well explain part of the samurai culture; the idea that you have to fight and keep fighting until you die, and eventually you either win or commit seppuku.  In the old times, Western Honshuites had to keep fighting and struggling because otherwise they would die, of starvation.  Just a thought.

I made my train on time and got to Kitakami, which was fairly cold and, worst of all, not pink.  Despite the fact that they were in the middle of their cherry blossom festival, the flowers were tardy and barely any were out.  This was particularly disappointing because this was the area I'd counted on since it got few foreign tourists (as towns of 900 are wont to do) and it was far north enough from Kyoto and Tokyo (where the blossoms had already come and gone) so that it should've been the right time and temperature, and because I could tell that it would've been perfect- exactly what I wanted- if they were in bloom.

But they weren't, so I got on the next train back up to Morioka, and from there I caught a Limited Express Train to Aomori (after a transfer) since the Shinkansen trains don't go that far.  To me, that was the ultimate sign that I was in an area far from the typical tourist trail (though I don't in any way claim I was roughing it).

Around 4, after a train ride partially along the ocean, I arrived in Aomorii.  I prefer to be checked in to a hostel before nightfall so I went to do that first.  Sometimes this takes longer than others, and today, when it was very, very cold, was one of those days.  After about an hour, I ended up at a Ryokan, a traditional Japanese inn.  You don't actually sleep on the tatami mat; they make your "bed" up later, though it's only a sleeping pad with sheets and a pillow and comforter, no actual mattress is involved.  But it was my own room and close to the station and the right price (about $30).  It also had a t.v., though all the stations were in Japanese.

I went out to a free internet place, grabbed something to eat, I suppose.  I have no memory of it, so it's safe to assume it was forgettable.  Then I walked around for a bit, saw some things I wanted to see: this pyramid thing and the bridge and a ferry boat that used to be important.

There were also quite a few random, surprise things, like the following:

I love, LOVE, stuff like that, that's bizarre and doesn't really seem to make sense, so I walked home happy, grabbed a few Kirin World beer cans and watched t.v. for a while, writing the part below.

I'm watching Japanese t.v. with no English translations, just because that's what's available in my ryokan (a traditional Japanese inn, see photo).  So, as I sometimes do when talking to people when I have no understanding of what they're saying, I just make it up.  Based on that, this is the cartoon I watched.

Main guy: "What the hell?!?!?! You dyed your hair light blue when you used to look almost exactly like me?  You bastard!  I told you I was going to dye my hair blue because everyone knows the girls go for that!"
Blue haired guy: "Oh well, you didn't do it soon enough and you don't own the rights to blue hair- everyone knows it's cool."
Main guy: "Jerk, I hate you.  I've got to go calm down."

(Main guy goes to smoke a cigarette on a newly built roof.  Blue haired guy shows up, on roof.)

Blue haired guy: "I thought we should settle this once and for all."
Main guy: "Oh it's on, let me frighten you with my awesome sword."
Blue haired guy: "I am not scared."

(In a flash, Main guy runs over and all we see is a flash of blood and cloth stripped off.  We look around and see nothing.  Suddenly, blue haired guy is in front of us, before we even realize what is happening.  There is a brief moment, and then...)

Blue haired guy: "Aiiiaiiiaaiiiyaiiiyaaaiii!"

(The blade of Main guy's sword falls to the ground, chopped by Blue Haired Guy, and we see him stare in disbelief for a moment.)

Main guy: "You have beaten me, humiliated me a bit; the blue hair, and all the girls, will be yours."

(Blue haired guy nods in a short sort of bow and walks away.  We see his traditional kimono/ shirt thing is torn and he is bleeding, not fatally, but a fair bit, and the credits begin to roll against a backdrop of blue sky and a cherry blossom tree in full bloom).

Here's another channel (non cartoon):

One of the Japanese men (guy 1), dressed in loincloths in a forest, carrying a box secured to one long bamboo pole so that it can be carried by two men: "We have to hurry to get this box up the mountain before the feral people get us!"

Another man in loincloth (guy 2): "Yes, but look, there's a man on the side of the road who's been decapitated.  See, there's his body [with the neck blurred out] and there's his head [blurred out]."

Yet another guy in a loincloth (guy 3): "Well, shit-son, that is hardcore.  We need to pray for him before we continue on our way."

(All pray for a very short moment.)

Guy 2: "The feral people probably got him, we don't have time to put him in the box as well because we don't want them to get us, so we have to hurry to continue up the hill."

Cameraman: "Yes."

(They begin to run up the mountain and are surprised by the feral people (who are also dressed in loincloths and actually don't look that different from them) who chase them partially down the mountain before letting them go.)

Guy 3: "I sprained my ankle [he's a whiny baby, I sprain my ankle all the time] and can barely walk."
Guy 2: "Let me wrap it for you, crudely and paying no attention to the fact that you are in extreme pain."
Guy 3: "I'll try not to scream in the meantime and just make awkward faces."
Guy 2: "Cool, you're all set, let's go."

(Everyone continues up the mountain, Guy 3 limping.  The feral people re-attack and the group somehow ends up in a weird concrete structure, very Blair Witch style.)

Guy 1: "OMG, what are we going to do?  I'm so scared, but the cameraman is still alive so I can't film my snot running down my nose."
Guy 2: "I don't know, I'm terrified, about to pee my pants. Ahhhhh!"

(The feral people are suddenly, somehow inside the structure and sort of gently attack the group, who run wildly.  The camera drops.)

Cameraman: "I've found my camera again, I don't know what happened to the others.  I'm trying really hard to make this scary- is it working?  I don't know what to do."

(Tape ends and somehow, we end up at an Evening News desk after the advertisements.)

Some of the t.v. honestly isn't even funny, but I still can't help but laugh at it, it's just so obvious and/or bizarre.